Getting back into me

Update on me: i start school in august, going back to church soon, & im still married. Getting married is easy but honestly staying married is the task ! Dont get me wrong i LOVE  being able to be with one person who proclaims to love & appreciate me, but its the trials that makes things rocky. You find out things about your partner that was hidden while you were dating and lies that were told and sometimes you feel a world of emotion because you dont know whether to bring it up or hold it in(different story for a different time). Honestly any couple that is getting married or are newlyweds ....GET COUNSELING !!! it will be needed ! Its a great feeling to be able to express your feelings to your partner in a controlled enviorment with a mentor who isint "playing sides" ...i mean you can talk to your friends about whats going on... Why cant you talk to someone who is more willing to help ??

Anyway ive been dealing with alot personally, but im working on myself...  I want to get back independent, im ready to get myself back on track so i know if anything (God forbid) was to happen...i know where i stand... no ! I'm not saying I'm trying to leave my husband and make him feel like he's not needed... but sometimes I feel like things won't get done unless I put it in my own hands & in this way I can find who I am again in the process. I use to love my life now I feel like I'm just "here", somebody to occupy time. I'm excited for the change I'm trying to make I realize people who mean the most me either lie to me to keep me around..or they just tell me what I want to hear not to loose me and hurt my feelings ... idk but I'm ready for much needed chance .. going back to school & church is a start...now on to looking for a job ! Oh yeah I'm going back to the gym every so often too !! I'm loving it..I'm a great girl & I don't need anybody to tell me that.. the only thing that will hold me down is if I get knocked up... I'm definately dodging that bullet !! I'm not trying to slow down for nothing ... bout to hit my 20's I have a life to live !!!.... toodles (just thought you should know about my updates) :o)

Baby Fever !!!!

ok sooo i havent posted on here in awhile and all, my life got hectic for a second ( well not that much ) but enough. my man is back from NTC, && we got married on April 12th soo im elated when it comes to that, but thats not really what ive been wanting to talk about. soo question ?? why is it that when you find yourself in a long term relationship, you get asked when the kids come ? i mean really you would be shocked if you knew how many people asked me when my family was going to start. for a moment it hit me. i had baby fever, the more people who asked me about it, the more i was drawn in to wanting a baby. i mean i felt so odd ALL my friends are either working on their second kid or just had one. and its so odd because everytime me and my friends get together the convo ALWAYS drifts off into their "babys daddys" or how crazy their "baby mommas" is, im always left out cause i cant relate to any of it  ! Soo yeah i got caught up, and it became so ironic that the opprotunity came up that my B.C (birth control) messed up and i had to get off them until it was time to start a new pack, so if anything that had been the perfect time. this was it ! i wanted a baby, but i was kinda nervous to tell my husband, cause he really wouldve wanted to know what had gotten into me and that would have probably detoured him from wanting to have sex, so i kept my feelings inside. gladly i snapped out of the baby fever !!! whew !!

im not saying that i wont ever fall into it again, tomorrow i may look into my husbands eyes while where in the middle of our session and feel like im ready for one again, im just saying it just dawned on me the other day that i just might not be "mommy material" yet. im soo busy thinking for everyone else, that i forget about me. ive gotten so bad that ill walk in the store, see something that i want, consider buying it but i dont because i seen a shirt that my sister will love or a watch that'll look good on my man. it probably doesnt make since to you while your reading this, but if i cant put myself first now, im going to be burnt out and ready to call quits on everything by the time the baby is 3 (ok maybe im thinking too hard into this), but seriously. i look at my mom and shes soo stressed, she doesnt even know what to do with herself because shes too busy caring for others. my mom got pregnant with me at 16 and shes now 36 with 4 more children and in her face you can just see that "tired" look on her face.

i just dont think im the right "mom" for the job right now... alot say i am, because im so generous and i think about everyone, so they KNOW my child will be well taken care of.. TRUE STORY my child will, promise you that, but will i ? when im confident enough to answer that question then thats when ill have my child :o)

Staying "Army Strong"

So my baby has been in NTC(National Training Center) what feels like forever, but its only been about 3 weeks, but i miss him ! ... we haven't been able to talk like we use to but i still manage to get a "one minute" sneak call in or a sneak text or two, the point being...WE STILL communicate but not lately. I havent heard from him in three days, not heads up or anything. i know you other army wives are probably laughing at me because i said three days, but bare with me im new to this lifestyle.... me and Brandon have been INSEPARABLE since we first started dating. whether we saw each other, oovoo'd, facebook'd or even sent each other text messages we still managed to keep in contact. he calls me every break he gets and i fell hard for those things(yes ! i know we broke up at one point, but we still ended up talking to each other... you could feel the tension and anger, but we still talked) now its been three long days with me having no idea when i will get another call or text has taken a toll on me, emotionally/physically. the main problem is i had no time to brace myself for this. ive been having sleepless nights ( im scared to fall asleep and not be able to wake up to receive his phone call) and ive been" in my feelings" about everything. im always on the verge of tears or crying, im startig to find myself doing the things he does when were together like sleeping with no pants on (sounds crazy i know). i have tried taking the other wives advice and started getting out more, but like everything else that hasnt seemed to work either. im either telling the whole world "what Eady would be doing if he where here" or just not wanting to be involved in what im doing because i am constantly checking my phone for any "missed calls" from him. these days have felt like months, and im just dying inside becuase i just HAVE to know how he is feeling, but i cant :'(

This is my bracelet... i cherish it like its worth a million dollars. i have been wearing it everyday since hes been gone. i eat, sleep, go out, and even work out with it on... im not taking it off until he comes back home. Every time i look at it, it reminds me of the times we have laughed together. it reminds me of the crazy things me and him do when we are together. (if you are wondering what the charm says, it says: "my soldier makes my <3 go BOOM) i know you smiled when you read that, i smile too when i read it !

I cant wait to order mines soon !!!! i have been wanting one sooo badly, i would love more than anything to keep something of him close to my heart daily ! ( if any of you would like to know where to get this ill post a link at the bottom of the page where you can purchase one. hopefully money is right and i will purchase me and him one, so if her does so happen to get deployed, he doesnt have to look in his wallet to find where his heart is 

Its the little things like this (the bracelet, the dog tags that keeps me going on the times i cant hear from him.. He makes me so Happy if only you all whos reading this really knew ! what do you all do to keep yourselves staying "army strong" while he is away ??

(link to the dogtags : https://www.facebook.com/feathersdesigns)

(link to nametapes : https://www.facebook.com/NametapeBraceletsOorah)

* ill do another blog with a list all all the good sites to go to to represent you soldier :o)

Ladies pay attention

Ladies: please stop going to your friends regarding the issues that s going on in your relationship. you are not in a relationship with your friends. you are currently in a relationship with him. Therefore, talking to your friends instead of confronting him is not going to solve the problems. In fact, talking to your friends might end up destroying your relationship and make you lose a good man who truly loved and cared about you in a way that no other man will. If there is any sort of lack of communication between you and your partner, it is essential that you and him both work on it because without good communication, confession, trust, respect for each other feelings or opinions, there is no relationship. confess your feelings to him doesn't necessarily means that you are complaining, he s not a good man, or he is not treating you right. it simply means that you highly valued your relationship, want to make the relationship work with him, want him to be a lover to you and also a best friend that you can talk to about anything without getting in an argument

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i dont know what to do, my head hurts, i cant think, i cant sleep !! i just feel like nothings going right anymore. the other day i thought i was pregnant and  in my mind i was like this is NOT the time(i had a dream about one, i woke up scared) ! i feel like my relationship is not 100 anymore since this crazy mess, i mean its not his fault or mines just reality and this thing called life.. well maybe it is our faults i ont reall know...but im just gonna get my mind focused back on the thing that i kno best... school !! maybe ill start dancing or singing or working...i need something that allows me to get away from everything and everybody..i love being alone ... i wonder if thats how im supposed to end up..all my relationships end up a mess. but it is what it is !