Tuesday, July 26, 2011

One less lonely girl

Long distance relationships aren't as easy I thought it was. The moments I can't hear from you are the moments that take my breath away.
I honestly hate my past relationships. They cause insecurity within myself. It's always questions that run through my mind that in reality scare me. It's always where is he?? Who is he with?? What is he doing?? The possibility of answers make me hurt so bad.
It's not that I don't trust him, I trust my man its just the insecurity within myself.
Why am I doing this to myself?? To him?? I don't know why. No man should have to suffer from a "past" when he could be the one trying to make a future. Now he has to sit and deal with a broken heart that he has to mend? That's unfair! , I'm on the phone upset with him over something I think he could've been doing but he isint.
I know that I love him and wouldn't think twice about it, I've never a acted like this before ! I fein for his attention and when I have it I feel like one less lonely girl, but when I call only to go to voicemail I go crazy.
How many I told ya and start overs and shoulders have I cried on before?
How many promises, let's be honest, how many tears have I let hit the floor.
How many bags have I packed just to take a guy back, lettme tell u that how many either ors?
Theirs no more since I let him inside my world ! I have a great man I hope he knows it I'm one less lonely girl !

Conception ??

Conception has been a tending topic in my life for some odd reason for a couple weeks now. I been weighting the pros and cons of the situation. Many ppl in my family have been expecting to hear the words " I'm pregnant" since the age of 16, some generational thing that I've been able to shake. But now I'm at a point in my life where I'm happily engaged to this amazing man that I love, so this will be some thing that will definitely come up sooner or later.
The idea of me having a life growing inside me, something that I have to bond with for 9 months sounds great even better wen sharing it with the one that helped me create it.
I date a soldier, who will be getting deployed soon(just thinking about it, I want to cry) I don't want to be pregnant alone, but I also feel that it could be a good thing because everyday while he's gone, I have something to remind me of why I'm in love. It'll also make me feel excited to know that when he comes home, he's coming home to his "family" and not just his "wife"
My love has a baby from a previous relationship, which I vow to treat him as my own, I love him because I know that's where my future husbands heart will be, I hope and pray when little jermaine arrives all will be well
I don't know how this will go, but I'm ready for anything that happens but when it does I just want to be happy as a family (:
Well wishing us luck on our life..... I love my soldier.