Getting back into me

Update on me: i start school in august, going back to church soon, & im still married. Getting married is easy but honestly staying married is the task ! Dont get me wrong i LOVE  being able to be with one person who proclaims to love & appreciate me, but its the trials that makes things rocky. You find out things about your partner that was hidden while you were dating and lies that were told and sometimes you feel a world of emotion because you dont know whether to bring it up or hold it in(different story for a different time). Honestly any couple that is getting married or are newlyweds ....GET COUNSELING !!! it will be needed ! Its a great feeling to be able to express your feelings to your partner in a controlled enviorment with a mentor who isint "playing sides" ...i mean you can talk to your friends about whats going on... Why cant you talk to someone who is more willing to help ??

Anyway ive been dealing with alot personally, but im working on myself...  I want to get back independent, im ready to get myself back on track so i know if anything (God forbid) was to happen...i know where i stand... no ! I'm not saying I'm trying to leave my husband and make him feel like he's not needed... but sometimes I feel like things won't get done unless I put it in my own hands & in this way I can find who I am again in the process. I use to love my life now I feel like I'm just "here", somebody to occupy time. I'm excited for the change I'm trying to make I realize people who mean the most me either lie to me to keep me around..or they just tell me what I want to hear not to loose me and hurt my feelings ... idk but I'm ready for much needed chance .. going back to school & church is a start...now on to looking for a job ! Oh yeah I'm going back to the gym every so often too !! I'm loving it..I'm a great girl & I don't need anybody to tell me that.. the only thing that will hold me down is if I get knocked up... I'm definately dodging that bullet !! I'm not trying to slow down for nothing ... bout to hit my 20's I have a life to live !!!.... toodles (just thought you should know about my updates) :o)

Baby Fever !!!!

ok sooo i havent posted on here in awhile and all, my life got hectic for a second ( well not that much ) but enough. my man is back from NTC, && we got married on April 12th soo im elated when it comes to that, but thats not really what ive been wanting to talk about. soo question ?? why is it that when you find yourself in a long term relationship, you get asked when the kids come ? i mean really you would be shocked if you knew how many people asked me when my family was going to start. for a moment it hit me. i had baby fever, the more people who asked me about it, the more i was drawn in to wanting a baby. i mean i felt so odd ALL my friends are either working on their second kid or just had one. and its so odd because everytime me and my friends get together the convo ALWAYS drifts off into their "babys daddys" or how crazy their "baby mommas" is, im always left out cause i cant relate to any of it  ! Soo yeah i got caught up, and it became so ironic that the opprotunity came up that my B.C (birth control) messed up and i had to get off them until it was time to start a new pack, so if anything that had been the perfect time. this was it ! i wanted a baby, but i was kinda nervous to tell my husband, cause he really wouldve wanted to know what had gotten into me and that would have probably detoured him from wanting to have sex, so i kept my feelings inside. gladly i snapped out of the baby fever !!! whew !!

im not saying that i wont ever fall into it again, tomorrow i may look into my husbands eyes while where in the middle of our session and feel like im ready for one again, im just saying it just dawned on me the other day that i just might not be "mommy material" yet. im soo busy thinking for everyone else, that i forget about me. ive gotten so bad that ill walk in the store, see something that i want, consider buying it but i dont because i seen a shirt that my sister will love or a watch that'll look good on my man. it probably doesnt make since to you while your reading this, but if i cant put myself first now, im going to be burnt out and ready to call quits on everything by the time the baby is 3 (ok maybe im thinking too hard into this), but seriously. i look at my mom and shes soo stressed, she doesnt even know what to do with herself because shes too busy caring for others. my mom got pregnant with me at 16 and shes now 36 with 4 more children and in her face you can just see that "tired" look on her face.

i just dont think im the right "mom" for the job right now... alot say i am, because im so generous and i think about everyone, so they KNOW my child will be well taken care of.. TRUE STORY my child will, promise you that, but will i ? when im confident enough to answer that question then thats when ill have my child :o)

Ladies pay attention

Ladies: please stop going to your friends regarding the issues that s going on in your relationship. you are not in a relationship with your friends. you are currently in a relationship with him. Therefore, talking to your friends instead of confronting him is not going to solve the problems. In fact, talking to your friends might end up destroying your relationship and make you lose a good man who truly loved and cared about you in a way that no other man will. If there is any sort of lack of communication between you and your partner, it is essential that you and him both work on it because without good communication, confession, trust, respect for each other feelings or opinions, there is no relationship. confess your feelings to him doesn't necessarily means that you are complaining, he s not a good man, or he is not treating you right. it simply means that you highly valued your relationship, want to make the relationship work with him, want him to be a lover to you and also a best friend that you can talk to about anything without getting in an argument

??

i dont know what to do, my head hurts, i cant think, i cant sleep !! i just feel like nothings going right anymore. the other day i thought i was pregnant and  in my mind i was like this is NOT the time(i had a dream about one, i woke up scared) ! i feel like my relationship is not 100 anymore since this crazy mess, i mean its not his fault or mines just reality and this thing called life.. well maybe it is our faults i ont reall know...but im just gonna get my mind focused back on the thing that i kno best... school !! maybe ill start dancing or singing or working...i need something that allows me to get away from everything and everybody..i love being alone ... i wonder if thats how im supposed to end up..all my relationships end up a mess. but it is what it is !

One less lonely girl

Long distance relationships aren't as easy I thought it was. The moments I can't hear from you are the moments that take my breath away.
I honestly hate my past relationships. They cause insecurity within myself. It's always questions that run through my mind that in reality scare me. It's always where is he?? Who is he with?? What is he doing?? The possibility of answers make me hurt so bad.
It's not that I don't trust him, I trust my man its just the insecurity within myself.
Why am I doing this to myself?? To him?? I don't know why. No man should have to suffer from a "past" when he could be the one trying to make a future. Now he has to sit and deal with a broken heart that he has to mend? That's unfair! , I'm on the phone upset with him over something I think he could've been doing but he isint.
I know that I love him and wouldn't think twice about it, I've never a acted like this before ! I fein for his attention and when I have it I feel like one less lonely girl, but when I call only to go to voicemail I go crazy.
How many I told ya and start overs and shoulders have I cried on before?
How many promises, let's be honest, how many tears have I let hit the floor.
How many bags have I packed just to take a guy back, lettme tell u that how many either ors?
Theirs no more since I let him inside my world ! I have a great man I hope he knows it I'm one less lonely girl !

Unexpected love

Love is unpredictable, but once it hits you, you will know ! its crazy when love hits you when its totally unexpected. To have met someone who truly loves youu, and you have grown to love them back, its incredible. Their are people who run from love and those who embrace it with a burning passion, whichever way you choose, love ALWAYS hits its mark.

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away

Only the strong survive

I'm not the perfect army girlfriend, our distance sometimes get to me and i feel as though nothing is right while he is gone. I think about how amazing it would be to have my solider home all the time, and their may even be times when he will be home ill push him away so it doesn't hurt so bad when he leaves again. at night I began to cry  because its hard to stay strong for the both of us, but when i stop to think about how much i love my man i am proud to be an army girlfriend ! i have only known him for a short amount of time, but i feel like my life has been with him thru eternity. Its crazy what our friends say, cuz we gone and they try and figure us out baby, we aint gotta front nor pretend cuz you know they gone hate, talk behind out back, & smile up in our face, but we gone prove em wrong && show them how its done ! i accept his flaws and past mistakes and through it all ill have his hand, after all i am his girlfriend ! i love you SPC Eady 5/12/2011