Friday, April 20, 2012

Baby Fever !!!!

ok sooo i havent posted on here in awhile and all, my life got hectic for a second ( well not that much ) but enough. my man is back from NTC, && we got married on April 12th soo im elated when it comes to that, but thats not really what ive been wanting to talk about. soo question ?? why is it that when you find yourself in a long term relationship, you get asked when the kids come ? i mean really you would be shocked if you knew how many people asked me when my family was going to start. for a moment it hit me. i had baby fever, the more people who asked me about it, the more i was drawn in to wanting a baby. i mean i felt so odd ALL my friends are either working on their second kid or just had one. and its so odd because everytime me and my friends get together the convo ALWAYS drifts off into their "babys daddys" or how crazy their "baby mommas" is, im always left out cause i cant relate to any of it  ! Soo yeah i got caught up, and it became so ironic that the opprotunity came up that my B.C (birth control) messed up and i had to get off them until it was time to start a new pack, so if anything that had been the perfect time. this was it ! i wanted a baby, but i was kinda nervous to tell my husband, cause he really wouldve wanted to know what had gotten into me and that would have probably detoured him from wanting to have sex, so i kept my feelings inside. gladly i snapped out of the baby fever !!! whew !!

im not saying that i wont ever fall into it again, tomorrow i may look into my husbands eyes while where in the middle of our session and feel like im ready for one again, im just saying it just dawned on me the other day that i just might not be "mommy material" yet. im soo busy thinking for everyone else, that i forget about me. ive gotten so bad that ill walk in the store, see something that i want, consider buying it but i dont because i seen a shirt that my sister will love or a watch that'll look good on my man. it probably doesnt make since to you while your reading this, but if i cant put myself first now, im going to be burnt out and ready to call quits on everything by the time the baby is 3 (ok maybe im thinking too hard into this), but seriously. i look at my mom and shes soo stressed, she doesnt even know what to do with herself because shes too busy caring for others. my mom got pregnant with me at 16 and shes now 36 with 4 more children and in her face you can just see that "tired" look on her face.

i just dont think im the right "mom" for the job right now... alot say i am, because im so generous and i think about everyone, so they KNOW my child will be well taken care of.. TRUE STORY my child will, promise you that, but will i ? when im confident enough to answer that question then thats when ill have my child :o)