My promise to you

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and bills are due all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won't be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do.

  But I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.
- for the love of my life..... my bestfriend..my everything... even though it hurts were not together.. ill still love you forever

 this made me really think about what its gotta be like to be him "A story: A man fires a rifle for many years; And he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armoury; And he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; His hands still remember the rifle."

ok that last blog was purely out of anger/emotion... i love my future husband, and we go through things just like anybody else.. but the true test in any relationship, is to be able to hold hands after each disagreement <3 it took me some time to actually grasp that phrase but i mean i feel like its so relevant to my life

??

i dont know what to do, my head hurts, i cant think, i cant sleep !! i just feel like nothings going right anymore. the other day i thought i was pregnant and  in my mind i was like this is NOT the time(i had a dream about one, i woke up scared) ! i feel like my relationship is not 100 anymore since this crazy mess, i mean its not his fault or mines just reality and this thing called life.. well maybe it is our faults i ont reall know...but im just gonna get my mind focused back on the thing that i kno best... school !! maybe ill start dancing or singing or working...i need something that allows me to get away from everything and everybody..i love being alone ... i wonder if thats how im supposed to end up..all my relationships end up a mess. but it is what it is !

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. 

a lil soem :)

There she goes again, smiling like he's home, laughing a voice of a child.
Her words of wisdom, make you think she been around a while.
The shine in her smile catches most hearts.
You see her out and never would you think, she's alone most of her nights.
In her eyes, there are neither rich nor poor.
With her touch no broken heart aches for too long.
She walks tomorrow but her mind rests in flashbacks of those moments with him till sunrise.
No surprise to anyone that she buries emotions, that's all she has known, is to live for everyone else.
She lives out "No woman is complete without chap-stick and polish on her toes"
Her motto is "Life is about giving" making people smile, makes her smile.
She wouldn't dare to show her misery or loneliness.
What kind of soldier's love would she be?
She's trying to bloom right where she is planted.
"That's life, sometimes it hurts, but it's all we got" she says.
She preaches that "Happiness is a choice" so her ability to live up to that is 100% effort.
You will never feel her soaken pillow or hear the desperate prayers, nor the sound of a separation in her ears.
All you will see is her big heart still dances with HOPE like absolutely no other.
Her smile still brightens with pride, in her soldier, along with his fellow men.
He is the man of her life and no deployment or Army can take that away.
She is just doing her duty on this side of the world.

things you cant do once your married

1) Get drag-out, stumble-down drunk: there is nothing sexy about stumbling out of a bar or club. Getting this out of your system is the purpose of a men/women party.(personally i wouldnt even drink & have strippers nd ish at mines)
2)Sleepovers with the girls/guys: When you’re single you can stay out late, stay up chatting at your girls/boys house and crash. Not when you’re married !. You have a husband/wife, a household. Only on rare, if ever, occasions should you be out so late that you “can’t make it” home. GNO’s(girls night out), v-cations, and other girls-only/men-only overnight activities are very limited for married couples, (not saying u cant to do, just dont over do it). If you’re itching to be away from home, alone, you and your spouse have some things to work out.
3)Go to the club dressed like a video model (women) :s it going to be the boobs or butt? Pick one but not both. A married woman should be sexy not hoe-ish,Your husband won’t mind other men getting a sneak peek (well mines do, and i dont mind the way he feels), but he's not okay with them getting the full coverage.
4)Solo dinner dates with men: may be done for business purposes or with a long-time friend with the best of intentions, but it gives off the wrong vibe. Outsiders, who may see you out, call your husband/wife and bring drama to your home. Not worth it. Lunch is much more appropriate and professional for solo male-female meetings(but please call your spouse before you do anything).
5)“Network” after 10PM :  its not okay for you to be facebooking when your man/woman just walked in from a long day of work, put your phone on the charger and give them the time and attention they deserve. 
6)Buy shoes/clothes instead of paying bills :Late and missed bill payments have an adverse effect you and your spouse. In marriage, “we” comes before “I” when making decisions.
* these are the things that i see & hear from married people, and what i feel ruins most relationships... make every day like its your "first time" put God first and your marriage will be okay :)