It hurt me more than anything to see him hurt the way he did. The part that even hurt the most was.... I couldn't do anything to help ! I did all I could to make her change her mind, but hell has no fury like a woman scorned. This was the hardest thing ever . What do I do ?? I'm 100+miles away... I just wanted to hold him ! and reasure him that this battle is far from lost or over. But how can I reasure him on something that's not even mine ?? Something I had no input creating. I could just give him a child ? I'll do anything to have him happy ! But that can create an even bigger problem. creating another baby won't replace the one he originally created, its nothing like your first born ! I would know! I remember when I was in that position, && hurt because he had no chance to even experience my love.. I was truly hurt, I wanted him back.. and I would do whatever I could to get him back. Till I realized, somethings you gotta let go .. but that's besides the point back to my love, what do I do ? Even if I tried to make him happy again and give him his hearts desire, what's the oods it'll be a girl?? Then I would feel like I let him down. Maybe I should give him time to himself... I'm really lost right now. I know that he's gonna fight this and I'm down with him to the very end.. but in the end I feel like every day its a what happens next ??
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A bit of everything
Soo I had a minor talk with my mother today about getting married, I usually don't like the talks because I find them very strange and kinda uncomfortable but this one was okay..... I kinda eased thru the subject, because I'd feel better if "he" was here with me but, army calls. I got the total opposite response from what I expected. Her feelings where like mines, she feels as though we should begin marriage counseling to learn more about who we are begining to be as a couple. (Its not like we have kids together??) But its hard because his deployment soon :/ . She was also concerned about the "transition", we reside in two different states so its kinda hard. I have this friend named Alice who's going thru the same exact thing but except her and her fiance decided to get married in september, while he stays in GA and get the housing and everything situated, while she stays in Jacksonville until after her semester of school is done. I liked that idea ! Soo idk yet, I'm praying everything works out && I'm doing it a day at a time :o)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
One less lonely girl
Long distance relationships aren't as easy I thought it was. The moments I can't hear from you are the moments that take my breath away.
I honestly hate my past relationships. They cause insecurity within myself. It's always questions that run through my mind that in reality scare me. It's always where is he?? Who is he with?? What is he doing?? The possibility of answers make me hurt so bad.
It's not that I don't trust him, I trust my man its just the insecurity within myself.
Why am I doing this to myself?? To him?? I don't know why. No man should have to suffer from a "past" when he could be the one trying to make a future. Now he has to sit and deal with a broken heart that he has to mend? That's unfair! , I'm on the phone upset with him over something I think he could've been doing but he isint.
I know that I love him and wouldn't think twice about it, I've never a acted like this before ! I fein for his attention and when I have it I feel like one less lonely girl, but when I call only to go to voicemail I go crazy.
How many I told ya and start overs and shoulders have I cried on before?
How many promises, let's be honest, how many tears have I let hit the floor.
How many bags have I packed just to take a guy back, lettme tell u that how many either ors?
Theirs no more since I let him inside my world ! I have a great man I hope he knows it I'm one less lonely girl !
Conception ??
Conception has been a tending topic in my life for some odd reason for a couple weeks now. I been weighting the pros and cons of the situation. Many ppl in my family have been expecting to hear the words " I'm pregnant" since the age of 16, some generational thing that I've been able to shake. But now I'm at a point in my life where I'm happily engaged to this amazing man that I love, so this will be some thing that will definitely come up sooner or later.
The idea of me having a life growing inside me, something that I have to bond with for 9 months sounds great even better wen sharing it with the one that helped me create it.
I date a soldier, who will be getting deployed soon(just thinking about it, I want to cry) I don't want to be pregnant alone, but I also feel that it could be a good thing because everyday while he's gone, I have something to remind me of why I'm in love. It'll also make me feel excited to know that when he comes home, he's coming home to his "family" and not just his "wife"
My love has a baby from a previous relationship, which I vow to treat him as my own, I love him because I know that's where my future husbands heart will be, I hope and pray when little jermaine arrives all will be well
I don't know how this will go, but I'm ready for anything that happens but when it does I just want to be happy as a family (:
Well wishing us luck on our life..... I love my soldier.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
my love
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The kiss that said it all !
to the people who say the first kiss tells you all you need to know : i believe you ! the moment i kissed my solider i knu my life was complete... their was no end for us, but yet, we are only starting the beginning
tú eres mi corazón y yo siempre te amaré (you are my heart and i will ALWAYS love you !he's the one for me, my llife and my strength, he loves me and he gives me his best even on those days i feel like i have nothing left to give him. i love you brandon lytrell eady
